i dunoo.. am i moving in the right direction?
need a clear head and not only be moved by emotion.

omg.
first day of 'training'..
i am soo wiped out.
5 hrs of standing.
4 more tmr! YAY

i don't know if complaining is.. 'justified' here.. but my dad summed it all up when he said "Work like hell, paid like shit". ah man. he's funny. but yah! honestly. the uniform u haftu wear,costs $50 somethin, n comes out of ur 1st 3 paychecks or whatever it is. and then u gotta spend another whatever for 'slip-resistant' shoes which they expect u'll have after ur 1st paycheck.
today was 11-4pm.. lunchtime rush. omg. like i can't even begin to explain how overwhelmed i was. how fast my heart was beating. all that adrenaline running thru me. it was non-stop, go go go all the way til 3. i cannot explain it. except that now i know + have sO much respect for the ppl that do this kinda thing. the fast food, the restaurants.. honestly, it looks/seems easy enuf, but when ur pressed for time and there are like a billion customers left to serve... it is totally a whole other story. i don't know how u guys do it. i had a massive headache by the end of my shift n i didn't even notice but i'd been holding my breath the whole time i was working. it was blah. i felt SO blah. i didn't get a break til like 3:30 n i didn't even feel like eating, after making a ton of sandwiches. the rush died down, and my shift finally ended at 4, but inside, i still felt like i was in a rush;like my body was ready to spring into action again; anxious; in its alarm phase. and it didn't end until i finally got home n vegged in front of the tv. honestly it's like one of the worst feelings in the world.. when u KNO ur not in a rush at all; yet ur body's all set to run off at anytime. it is soo tiring. i don't know.. this is only the first day. i still feel so lost, like i still don't kno what to put on this sandwich n what goes on the other..everything jus kept on running thru my head the whole time after i finished my shift.
i found out today, i got some kinda workshop next sat.. and i was scheduled to work next sat + sun..... totally my fault cuz i thought they did them the week of....... which was stupid of course... i was so scared about that..... that they wouldn't b able to change it.... but praise God.. the guy helpin me out earlier today took my shifts for me.. ohh if he only knEW how important this was.. but definitely...... it was God that saved me from this.. no one else.. He who moves in and thru ppl..
oh how i long for Your peace to dwell in me.. to find that place of rest in You again..
tmr's another day..

wow. i don't even know where to start.... this weekend was just.. totally awesome.. Campus Challenge definitely lived up to its name. I was challenged in so many different ways this weekend... there was so much i learned..about God..myself.. my relationship with Him.... so much information that i'm still trying to absorb!..
this weekend has jus been .. an overwhelming flood of knowledge,prayers,and emotions..

i was blessed to have an amazing small grp, and small grp leader. it blew me away. i haftu admit, b4 going to CC this weekend, i didn't really have any expectations of it.. except that there was a tiny part of me that thought it might be like previous conferences/retreats where..the passion i experienced there, would diminish as the days went by.. i realize now that it was becuz i had not been truly transformed in my heart.. but CC absolutely disspelled that and went beyond nething i had been too afraid to expect (for fear of disappointment)..

wow.. what can i say... ?small grp was definitely one of the big things..the sharing.. the praying.... my small grp leader was whoa.i have never heard anyone talk or pray like that before.i was blown away. here was someone so strongly rooted in God, and so real in all that he said. he definitely has the gift of prophesying.. he prayed with such authority and power.. you knew that the Holy Spirit was speaking thru him and moving him.. there were so many things he prayed, which were said in my heart but he voiced aloud to God..... it was amazing.. we were all so blessed with a leader like him .. it was so encouraging.. and it was jus awesome how everyone got along.. even with all our different personalities and backgrounds.....

and how could i forget.... God..the Almighty One.. was definitely there with us.. He answered my prayers.. and He has made me brand new.. touched my heart and a transformation has begun. for Your strength is made perfect in our weakness. i pray that i will always remember that i'm firstly called to be a witness for Jesus, and everything else comes second.i also pray that i will never forget all that i experienced this weekend.. God..the joy that filled me up..the inspiring examples of authentic Jesus followers..

last night i was broken down. in our small grp, we each shared about what our spiritual gifts were.. and i was last to share. the tears started flowing.. i guess i didn't even realize that i had been holding all this in for a long time... i believe that God has given me a passion for those (esp friends) that are struggling in their faith/walk with God.. becuz it hurts so much every time i see someone drift further and further away from Him.. and it is so difficult. so hard to see that happening; all i can do is only pray. because all the words i say to them won't help one bit.. and it is God that moves in their hearts and lives.which is why i should definitely pray more for them.
mmm.. and also .. i really haven't done much in terms of serving @church/ccf... well this past yr, cuz i was @loo most of the time in 1st term,so i cant serve on worship team @scac.. n 2nd term.. started goin to ccf regularly.. but i didn't make a commitment to serving on worship... jus did some odd ones here n there. but i think it's time to stop the complacency/jus takin and not contributing to it.. so i'm makin a commitment to serving God on worship team this yr @ccf..

phew. tired. sleep time..

so.looks like God's about to challenge me once again..

one of my weaknesses... is that i can b a pretty emotional person..

tmr's campus challenge @trent.gone for 4 days..rooming with my bestest..can't wait.

not what i want,but what You want for me.that's what i need..

i got ... a job?

our pastor's leaving.....can't believe it..

went to kb with karen.. saw a gazillion church ppl there also.. haha .. then drove her to softball practice... got there earlier.. so we played in the park... ahaha.. swings n slideeessss man. i love goin bak to things in my childhood times.... they were such happy times ..if u ever see me on a swing... i will be wearing the hugest silliest grin on my face.. i can't help it. it jus makes me so happy hahah.. but neway.back to the story..... ahha. had a lil heart2heart with karen.. u me + our 40 days each.

love days like these.... out in the sun..blue skies and breezes..

can't believe CC's comin up this week. so fast.....
n then 2 weeks later... COTTAGE wit church buddies....caN'T wait ......!!

its late n im gettin tired.... hah..
but jus a lotta stuff goin thru my mind.. so i ended up goin to the interview today.. and BOY was it shADY. the whole time i was there.. i jus didn't feel at ease. it was jus something bout it.. made me feel so uncomfortable. it didn't help that the manager looked like one of those thieves with a gap between his front teeth. scary i tell ya. even if i get the job i'm not workin there. honestly i'd take wendy's over that in a split second. it was jus shady!!
so neway.... jus lots goin thru my mind.. i still feel so juvenile in some areas in my life. ... materialism for instance. i like goin shopping.. so many colours and pretty things that catch my eye. i love nething and everything colourful. bright things make me smile :) .. i uno..its jus me but its easy to jus.. shift my focus on things.. that belong to this world . i nuo. theres a diff between admiring beauty and idolizing it... isnt admiring like.. u see how beautiful something is.. but recognize that it's by a Creator..? n well.idolizing is idolizing.. hahah ;p yah im jus rambling.. but this is jus for my own ..
another thing is.. i've decided to fast from something for a year.. it's something i think i really need to do.. i know it won't be easy .. but that's part of the point isnt it?.. it can't/shouldn't be something easy for me to do.. but yah..... i duno what i'm saying.
been thinkin bout leadership too.. i've always always been one to say i can't do it.. but now i'm starting to wonder/question that..
i know i need to open my Bible more.. besides from devos, and pray a whole lot more...
i need those "5 minutes" every day.. doing is the hardest thing. i tried keeping a routine starting this past week.. wake up.. do devos (i find that it's a lot more .. 'useful' to do it in the beginning of the day, rather than the end since u can actually apply what u learned to the rest of ur day.. but thats jus me) .. work out .. haha. then lunch..practice piano..which i havent really done since wednesday......o dear.

getting tired...i really like those japanese cherry blossom trees. esp when the blossoms fall down...

ahhhhh john mayer's comin on aug 7 and i wont b able to go....... :( booooo..

i was goin thru this thing in the star today.. has all the stuff thats goin on dt this summer.. JAZZ FESTIVALS.... wana hit onE up at least.. n theyre gona have Humber (n UT, York) jazz students performing too..where r my ayp?!!!! humber's got amazing talent... n they even have late night jazz from 1am-4am!haha perfect for some ppl..;p hehehh... check it out here: www.torontojazz.com .. n the bata shoe museum..free every 1st tues of the month.. haha.. n the SCIENCE CENTRE!!!havent been there since i was in... elementary school....... it was so much fun.. !!
yah things are all over the place haha..i jus watched 3 hrs of tv..
no shoppin on tHIS sat for me!.. cuz i went yesterday already............... ;p. yah seriouSLY... need to stop!every time i go... i end up spending .. well. too much. lets jus leave it at that.
time to eat :)

soo. 2 grp interviews today..baskin robbins n jacob..
man. 7 other ppl in the jacob interview.. and all of em so much more qualified than me.all of them had retail exp b4... mann. sucks poo. they're hiring for summer pt toOO....oh wells.. i kno God will give me the job if it's in His will for me.

moving onnn..2 more interviews comin up..sat n tues.. one's wendy's. HAHAHAHAHAH. omg... yah.. can u tell i'm desperate?..well let's jus hope i don't end up working there..!!!!!

desperate times calls for desperate measures?...

best friend when we gona chill again!?!!!

it's been a while..
lookin for job still.. basically all i've been doing the past few days..gettin sick of it!!i think i'm jus gona stop now and wait. i've done enuf job searching...blah.hopefully things'll work out tmr.. baskin robbins/jacob outlet haha :P

i started working out..! haha!!since yesterday. i wana go outside n runn..

jo came bak to church on sunday!:) so happy to see her again.. she's gona start comin again i think.. :)

this song is so nostalgic-feeling. reminds me of summer days...lovin' it.

Our Lives by The Calling

Is it love tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Of a better life
In this world
Divided by fear
We've gotta believe that
There's a reason we're here
Yeah, there's a reason we're here

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

See the truth all around
Our faith can be broken
And our hands can be bound
But open our hearts and fill up the emptiness
With nothing to stop us
Is it not worth the risk?
Yeah, is it not worth the risk?

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
Even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
Cause these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

We can't go wrong
Thinking it's wrong
To speak our minds
I've gotta let out what's inside

Is it love tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Can we get it right?
Yeah, well can we get it right?

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
Even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
These are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

muahahah
5 hrs spent @fairview today wit evie n clinton... soooooooooo tired but sooo worth it ahahahha. we accomplished our goal evie ;) heheheheh.. and i know u'll thank us later man.. so proud of u for taking this big step ahahahhhaha *tear!!
yahhh had lotsa fun .. H&M is THE store of the year.. "peng leng jang" (cheap,pretty,nice)!!hahah..

man i gotta stop going shopping so much. well. last time i shopped was last fri..but yah. NEED to stop.. gotta find a job soon :(.. grp interview next thurs @ jacob ..man i duno what im gona do if i dun get a job soon. arghhhhhhhhhh

ahh where to start...
it all began....last thursday.. made fried chicken wings for dinner... MMMMMMMMMMMMM :D as early celebration for my sis' bday.. after that, my mom, sis, and i went for a walk to the park.. went on the swings... OMG... i've forgotten how much fun they are.. !!!We had a contest to see who could swing the highest... ahhhh good times with my sister.. :) she's hilarious.
after that, went to second cup to see a few hs friends n also cuz KC was working there.. :)hehe JACKY N TIMMY!!!!!!!missed seeing u guys ;p wendy n i'll come visit sometime next yr hehe ..
friday.. HAHA was the best time shopping with my best friend.. went on a lil road trip.... to a place where we both hadn't been to before. sauga. haha heartland.. some pretty good deals.....my few purchases = her GAZILLION things.. hahaha it was still great.. on the way back.. heard a song.. oh the memories... I Don't Want to Miss A Thing- Aerosmith....... brought us back to a time when ... things were so much less complicated and a new one that's definitely the song of this summer .. by the calling.. these are the days? something like that. lyrics are great. later on.. went to visit my baby cousin :) he peed!!!!hahaha it was so funny.. cuz all of a sudden.. his brow was all furrowed.. his gaze fixed, unblinkingly on something... my mom squeezed his diaper n he made this face.. HAHA soooo funny;p tmr's his 'moon yuet' (one month)!!we're having dinner and it's gona b his first big outing!!:) hehe.. n then talked to alex for a bit... yes it was good talkin again :P u always make me think. its a good thing! lol

humm sunday was bittersweet. .. heard some great testimonies.... and the cheering.... were we like thaT???? hahah

today.. saw 13 goin on 30 with sharon and someone that wishes to stay anonymous... HAHA. SUCHA good movie. u should all go see it. i'm gona buy it when it comes out.. thats how good it is. u'd b surprised... talked bout the 'past'... today was such a beautiful day... so i drove around for a bit.. lookin out for jobs... :P

that's all...... job hunting. like MAD.

hope u get better soon dear..

OC FINALE TMR NIGHT........ and i'm taping it.