i feel disappointed.. and i feel like crying.. but i know this is the way.. plus, being a musician doesn't really help much either, as we are attracted to the emotional, heart-wrenching pains in life....is that not where the best songs come from? out of the depths of one's agony and suffering?

i feel like cursing this...who i am.. but it was He who knit me in my mother's womb and He who created me... for a reason. to get to there, i need to be able to recognize and deal with those things that come along with the territory of my identity..

Lord, give me strength!

i cannot even explain why i feel this way... maybe i'm just finished with this. tired of going through the same issue/struggle over and over again like a never ending cycle, and i just can't get out of it. i feel like i'll never be rid of it until i breathe my last. seriously.

so once again, all i can do is admit that i have no idea what i'm doing and laying it at His feet. this continuous push/pull is only on our end, we are always the screw ups and He is always waiting for us, no matter how undeserving we think we are.