looking back.. [may 25,2004]

wow. i don't even know where to start.... this weekend was just.. totally awesome.. Campus Challenge definitely lived up to its name. I was challenged in so many different ways this weekend... there was so much i learned..about God..myself.. my relationship with Him.... so much information that i'm still trying to absorb!..
this weekend has jus been .. an overwhelming flood of knowledge,prayers,and emotions..

i was blessed to have an amazing small grp, and small grp leader. it blew me away. i haftu admit, b4 going to CC this weekend, i didn't really have any expectations of it.. except that there was a tiny part of me that thought it might be like previous conferences/retreats where..the passion i experienced there, would diminish as the days went by.. i realize now that it was becuz i had not been truly transformed in my heart.. but CC absolutely disspelled that and went beyond nething i had been too afraid to expect (for fear of disappointment)..

wow.. what can i say... ?small grp was definitely one of the big things..the sharing.. the praying.... my small grp leader was whoa.i have never heard anyone talk or pray like that before.i was blown away. here was someone so strongly rooted in God, and so real in all that he said. he definitely has the gift of prophesying.. he prayed with such authority and power.. you knew that the Holy Spirit was speaking thru him and moving him.. there were so many things he prayed, which were said in my heart but he voiced aloud to God..... it was amazing.. we were all so blessed with a leader like him .. it was so encouraging.. and it was jus awesome how everyone got along.. even with all our different personalities and backgrounds.....

and how could i forget.... God..the Almighty One.. was definitely there with us.. He answered my prayers.. and He has made me brand new.. touched my heart and a transformation has begun. for Your strength is made perfect in our weakness. i pray that i will always remember that i'm firstly called to be a witness for Jesus, and everything else comes second.i also pray that i will never forget all that i experienced this weekend.. God..the joy that filled me up..the inspiring examples of authentic Jesus followers..

last night i was broken down. in our small grp, we each shared about what our spiritual gifts were.. and i was last to share. the tears started flowing.. i guess i didn't even realize that i had been holding all this in for a long time... i believe that God has given me a passion for those (esp friends) that are struggling in their faith/walk with God.. becuz it hurts so much every time i see someone drift further and further away from Him.. and it is so difficult. so hard to see that happening; all i can do is only pray. because all the words i say to them won't help one bit.. and it is God that moves in their hearts and lives.which is why i should definitely pray more for them.
mmm.. and also .. i really haven't done much in terms of serving @church/ccf... well this past yr, cuz i was @loo most of the time in 1st term,so i cant serve on worship team @scac.. n 2nd term.. started goin to ccf regularly.. but i didn't make a commitment to serving on worship... jus did some odd ones here n there. but i think it's time to stop the complacency/jus takin and not contributing to it.. so i'm makin a commitment to serving God on worship team this yr @ccf..

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wow.where'd all that go?...haha funny how i mentioned that His strength is made perfect in my weakness cuz thats been one of the big things this yr for me.. i have definitely experienced that..but sadly,some of the things i was broken about are not so important to me anymore.that's disappointing...and ohhh how wrong i was,thinking i'd be doing worship this yr@LCCF. haha..God definitely has a sense of humour..it's been a great year,serving as a cell group leader for the first time in my life.. now that it's almost over, i'm kinda sad..but i can honestly say that i enjoyed it..despite all the nerve-wracking situations,etc. haha but it's definitely helped me grow a lot..

God give me that passion for Your people again..